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Delusion, Destruction and Distraction!

Dear Parents,

I tell myself that everyday will get better, that all will be serene soon enough. Then, there comes the thief of peace. Disingenuous texts like "how's the baby?" knowing that they've remained distant, showing no regard for an innocent child. How do I respond? Do I curse them out? Do I fall for the "hook and bait"? I do nothing because sometimes no response is the response. Yet, I still can't help myself in laughing at the feeble attempt to get me to engage.

Far too many times I've left the door open for my child's relatives to partake in her upbringing, and every time was a failed attempt. Initially, I would banter back and forth using profanities and running my blood pressure into distress. Then, I would block them altogether and pretend to go about my business. Instead, what I really wanted was for my child to feel loved and welcomed by those whom she shares DNA with. Wanted her to be able to know who her siblings are, if she had cousins with whom she shares similar interests, but I was met with total ignorance. The "co-parent" I had expected was not receptive to any of these concerns. The first two years, I was trapped in delusion. Holding on to the false hope that one day my child would be accepted and embraced by her father. However, he made it clear that without intimacy with me, he could care less about her.

Next, I fell deeper into my anger and destroyed my own peace worrying about his lack of participation. During that time, I struggled financially, emotionally, and mentally causing internal strife with myself, thus my chid reacted to my anger with her own behaviors of throwing objects when she was frustrated and refusing to accept any form of structure and discipline. About 9 months passed since I had spoken to her "father", so I tried again to make him part of her life. In the beginning, it seemed as if time had healed an old wound, and he was ready to step in. He would call sporadically (which was more than he'd ever done) and even sent monetary assistance once in a while. Only to fall back into the same routine of "If we're not together, I don't see a point in...", same ol' song, same ol' dance.

It's been nearly two years since I've stopped caring and allowing God to be the father in her life. I've casted all my cares on him, and it has been nothing short of amazing! Through prayer and self determination, I have been able to ease the pain of disappointment by focusing on providing my daughter with the best life I can afford. She has had some struggles with her speech development, but this past year she has made tremendous gains. Now, imagine I had still been chasing this person to be in her life and negated her needs?

Imagine if my distraction would have consumed me to the point that my child's regression began to set in to the point of no return?

I know that we all desire for our children to be loved and treated like they matter. When we do not see them experience this, it pushes us to think we have to overcompensate. In actuality, we just need to provide consistency, love, and a peaceful environment where they are able to thrive. Do the work to be healed of the disappointment and above all avoid the delusion, destruction, and distraction of chasing an empty promise.


The Mom who almost let her child suffer to avoid the embarrassment of single-parenting

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