These past few weeks, I've been trying to find what my motivation is. I've toggled between thinking about my past hardships to imagining what life would look like for my child if one day I decided to walk away from my aspirations. Because truthfully, THIS IS ROUGH, ARDUOUS, MENTALLY DRAINING work! What exactly is "this" you ask, self-reflection.
While there are so many benefits to consistency such as predictability or knowing what to expect, you gain more when you're in the mindset of evolution. But no one seems to talk about how daunting this can be. For instance, some of us have past experiences that we do not wish to relive or patterns of behaviors that are detrimental to our state of being. Thus, creating a false sense of safety when we stay within the comforts of these "guilty pleasures". The false sense of control over our lives leaves no wiggle room for acceptance of the unknown, and we become anxious amongst other things. In fact, approximately 19% of the adults living in the U.S. have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.
On the contrary, flexibility and openness to change tends to improve our mental health. Verywellmind (2023) states that one of the advantages to being self reflective is the ability to take accountability. Could you imagine what the world would look like if we all knew how to do this? The amount of forgiveness and love we could spread, repaired relationships amongst families and friends, and the overall quality of how we interacted. The website further states that "Active self-reflection can help grow your understanding of who you are, what values you believe in, and why you think and act the way you do.". So, if there are so many assets attached to this concept, why aren't we practicing it more?
In my own experience, self reflection has shown me the disgusting truths about what I've yet to work on. I have had to learn the hard way just how explosive and manipulative I could be! I have had to unlearn how to properly communicate and how to be more patient with those around me. Formerly, I would "listen to respond" when engaged in arguments or heated discussions instead of listening to how my actions offended others. My mindset was to attack and defend myself verbally rather than apologize for being in the wrong. Sitting with myself showed me how selfish and inconsiderate I was of others. This behavior also cost me some friendships over the years. One friend in particular told me how offended they were by me but decided to give me grace because they knew that under my pain I was a good person; this was not always the case.
In college I date a gentleman who was the most loving, sweetest and caring person you could ever meet, but my patterns of explosivity damaged our relationship beyond repair. Over the years, his experience with me hardened his temperament with other women, and I could see his shift. Even with having mutual friends and ending up in the same spaces, it took nearly a decade for him to finally be able to speak to me. I was riddled with guilt with ever encounter, and that's when I really began taking self reflection seriously.
More recently, my faith has allowed me to deepen how I conceptualize self reflection. In Ezekiel 36:26 it says "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." which means that God will help us shed our old self and become anew. Just like caterpillars shed their cocoons and become butterflies or flamingos lose their pink when they become moms, we too have to be uncomfortable in order to change. Even though we want it to be seamless, there are traumas and/or behaviors we must overcome in order to attain that improved version of ourselves.
Luckily, there are so many supports we can receive during these difficult times. We can turn to our friends and family who hold us accountable, therapy, our church, God. But the fact of the matter is that sometimes looking in the mirror is ugly!
Find out more about this topic by reading these articles:
Anxiety Statistics And Facts https://www.forbes.com/health/mind/anxiety-statistics/#:~:text=Anxiety%20disorders%20are%20the%20most,with%206.8%20million%20adults%20affected.
Anxiety and panic attacks https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/causes/#PastOrChildhoodExperiences
Growth Mindset vs. Fixed Mindset https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUWn_TJTrnU
The Importance of Self-Reflection: How Looking Inward Can Improve Your Mental Health https://www.verywellmind.com/self-reflection-importance-benefits-and-strategies-7500858
Tune in to Our Video Blogs!
Marriage Over Maternity Video Blog goes up bi-weekly on Thursday Nights. Check us out on the "Marriage Over Maternity Youtube Page"
Note: With these new video blogs, we will be alternating between written and video blogs on a bi-weekly basis. Thank you for the continued support!
Comments