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Mom-etry: The Jaded Mom's Poem

What value is the jewel to the jeweler who is jaded?

Precious stones incased for all to admire

How could the ring marry the stone if its luster's been faded?

Precious stones with no merit

What's the meaning of esteem if the self is undefined?

I no longer know who I am

What's the worth of a promise if it doesn't withstand time?

Hourglass tilted, sand slipping away

Now I'm stuck!


Riddled with fear and anxiety

Drowned by the sound of my own scream

Trying to find refugee

No hope to be seen

Holding on to the pieces

of what I called me


 

I once said "Maybe you are, but I'm not that broken!". Boy, do I regret that now. What's worse is I had the audacity to be giving advice and offering my opinions. Talk about the blind leading the visually capable because people actually listened to me. It wasn't so much that my advice was unintelligent, it was the intent and hidden emotions behind it.

Of all the things I shouldn't have given advice on, I think my take on male-female interactions was the pinnacle. How would I know what proper male-female interactions were? Each one I had dissolved overtime, were based on lust, or derived from pure convenience. Yet, here I was attempting to tell my peers or those close to me how to act around men. For starters, I always recommended keeping options open and refusing to settle. What I failed to mention was that I had settled myself. It was cyclical of me to settle for poor communication, give ultimatums and boy was I impatient. All the makings of a toxic relationship 101.

Then, came my great idea that women did not need to be dainty, we could do it all on our own. Well, someone should have tucked me into bed that night because whyyyyy did I tell that lie? Have you ever tried putting a bed together? I mean attaching a headboard, figuring out which way to adjust the drill to screw or unscrew bolts, I gotta say it's not my favorite thing. And while the sentiment that I wanted to portray was that women should have their own identities and successes within their relationships, what my jaded jaw said was "Women don't need men at all". I know one thing's for sure, this doing it all on my own life is for the birds. Besides, humans were not meant to be alone, we are codependent creatures who God intended to perfectly match to our own helpmates.

Worst of all (for the people with boundaries), I used to allow people to swindle me into remaining loyal to them. I would refuse to have difficult conversations for fear of losing friends. Let me give a quick scenario, I knew an individual whose family member convinced them to provide said family member with financial support, and the relative turned their back on them when they lost their job. The relative stated "That's not my problem", and here I was trying to persuade the person to still have a relationship with this family member only because they are related! Yea ok, couldn't get me to do it now; I'd rather sit on a cactus. Will people hurt us in life? Will they have us second guessing ourselves? Of course, but it's all about setting firm and healthy boundaries.

It has taken me nearly four years to undo 28 years of destructive behaviors and mindsets. While I am able to provide exceptional advice on how to help your child's reading stamina at home, I still can't tell you what to do to get a husband because my experiences with men have deemed me incompetent. Jaded people should learn to become aware of the areas they are jaded in and refrain from giving any "wisdom" until they have overcome those hurdles. Don't be the reason someone else can't get their healing.

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